Bitching........

So, I set this blog up so I can bitch, complain, and talk about pretty much anything. I know that some people know exactly who I am, and those people I don't mind knowing. I just.........well I set up this blog so that I could vent somewhere that maybe someone will come across this and read it and offer their comments. I set this up so no one would know it was me, well that didn't happen. My boyfriend at the time found out it was me, my mates found out it was me. I just wanted to be able to speak my mind and not have to worry about what other people think.
Sorry, I just had to let that out.

Anyway, a lot has happened since I last blogged. The people I know that do read this will know all about this, but the people who actually don't know me, not that there are any who read this, won't know about it.
So, the day after I last blogged, I broke up with my boyfriend. It was sad, I thought things were sorta getting better, but by reading over my last blog, what I sorta thought and what I was really feeling were totally different. So yeah, we broke up, then two weeks later we got back together. My girls know the whole story and so does he, but it doesn't matter.
Anyway, almost about three weeks ago, we broke up again, but for real this time. Its funny because over the last week I have been thinking about everything that has happened and........... actually I really shouldn't say what I was going to say. If you really want to know, comment and I'll tell you. I just don't think it would be a good idea to say it right now.

Also, just over three weeks ago, my brother moved out. When I say moved out I don't mean, "hey mum and dad, lets talk about me moving in with my mates. Blah, Blah, Blah. Oh, that's a good idea. Lets do it after next weekend." I mean, "Hey mum, I'm leaving," and left. One. I wasn't even home when he did it. Two. Neither was Dad, dad was in another state. Three. He hadn't talked to any of us, well I mean mum and dad, about any of it. Four. All he had done was called his mates up, said god knows what, and then told mum he was leaving. I had to race home with my mate from where I was, she stayed for a while, thank god, and then we had to wait for my brothers mates to turn up. Mum and Dad agreed that he had done it at a bad time as my birthday was coming up. I had also commented to my boyfriend a few weeks before that, that everyone was leaving me, as one of my mates had already left, one of my other mates could have been moving, my brother left, and then, oh look, my boyfriend left. I don't deserve anyone. They all leave in the end.

So, other stuff that has been happening......................I have had total writers block for months now. I haven't been able to write a new poem, or write this story I started, but it sounds like crap anyway, or even design anything anymore. The only weird thing is, I have so many design ideas in my head, I just cant draw them. I don't know whether that is from lack of drawing experience or because my hands just don't want to work. Because when I used to be able to design, I could just draw them. I didn't need the experience, it just happened.

Anyway, this is a long blog, well long for me. I don't know what else to blog about, there is so much. But I also have to be careful what I say. Oh well, I can't be bothered anymore. Everything is just getting to hard. I have year 12 coming up, its just me, mum, and dad at home. I don't know how i am going to cope with just us three. I thought it was hard when my brother was home too, but now its just me and the folks. I already have my parents cracking down saying, its good you don't have a boyfriend now, so now you can concentrate on year 12. Getting into Uni, because your the brains of the family, you'll be the only one to go to Uni. You're smart. Why have a gap year, when you can go to Uni? Uni this, year 12 that. I'm not even allowed a social life pretty much any more. Everything is about passing year 12 really really really well. ARGH!!!! Why do I have to be the smart one out of the family? Why can't I be the one that they think won't get to Uni? It gets so annoying when your parents and telling you, get off your computer, do some extra homework, you should be in front of the class. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
I think the only good thing about this, is the fact that one of my teachers has sorta been teaching me a subject off line, well sorta. It will start more next year. Anyway, he has been pushing me, but gently, into the career path I want to take, and on Tuesday night, I was showing him something I had bought and couldn't wait to make, and as I was making it, I over heard him talking to my parents. They were saying stuff like, well if this is something she wants to do we better buy her more stuff to help her along, like more kits and all this other stuff. So sometimes good stuff does come out of being smart. LOL.

Anyway, that's enough from me. I'll talk to you another time. Maybe not as long as the last time tho. Bye